Post Pandemic "Catch-Up"

“We’re so behind…….”

“How will we catch up?

“Will our exam results even count for anything in the future?”

All sentiments expressed by a group of 15-17 year olds on my new “Tools for Success” course, which began its 10 session run today. Granted, some students were excited to be finally going back to school and seeing their friends, but the over-riding sense was that of anxiety. Not about the imminent return to school, not even about exams/grades, but about the all-consuming message that surrounds them – at home, in society, in the press: The detrimental impact that the pandemic has had, and will continue to have, on their entire futures. “They call us, “the lost generation”” one of them said…………

So we flipped it:

“What if, inadvertently, they had been learning vital coping skills to help them deal with unprecedented uncertainty, challenge and change?”

“What if this generation of young people had developed resilience like no other?”

“What if they were recognised as the brilliant, resourceful young people they are, who have done so incredibly well and deserve our praise and admiration for the sacrifices they’ve made for the country over the past year?”

“What if the rhetoric in the press was that young people are the self-less unsung heroes of the pandemic? They have stepped up, in the same way as keyworkers across the workforce have.”

“What if everyone clapped for students on a Thursday night?”

“What if the conversation was around what they’d gained, instead of what they’d lost?”

How would this alternative take on the situation make them feel?

Their body language changed, their tone changed, their conversation changed. This was new to them, but it was what they needed to hear. And this is what children all over the country need to hear. Same situation, different perspective.

That’s not to say that their worries aren’t real – they are. They have missed a year of education; their exams have been cancelled; their futures are less certain as a result of the pandemic. But there’s more to it than that.

You can only be “behind” if everyone else is ahead. Everyone is “behind”, ergo, no one is “behind”. The only thing they are “behind” on is the stated curriculum - a Government list - which says that, by a certain age, children should have covered *this*.

So, we have an opportunity to change the list:

“What do students really need to know?”

"What is most important to them moving forwards?”

“What skills and qualities do they need in a post-pandemic 21st Century world?”

“What is the goal for this generation?”

“What is the outcome we are looking for?”

“What do they need to do in order to get there?”

Or in simple terms:

“Where are they now? Where do they want/need to be? How can we get them there?”

So, let’s redefine our definition of “success” when it comes to our children’s futures.

During the first lockdown, I’ll admit at times it was miserable. My definition of success was my children completing their daily schoolwork. With my son, this resulted in arguments, tantrums (me and him!) and general despair over our respective lack of meaningful output. Struggling to run my business and do home-school, we ploughed on until late every day to complete the tasks set, invariably ending the day exhausted and despondent.

Were we successful in completing the work? Mostly. Did “success” feel good? Hell, no, we were miserable.

Come the most recent lockdown (I forget what number we’re on…..) my definition of success has changed. Success this time round has been about wellbeing. About mental health. About, dare I say, happiness. And mainly about cuddles.

Has my 9-year-old son done all the work that he’s been set over the past 3 months? No. Has he developed at the rate he would have done academically in the classroom? Probably not.

But:

He can bake cakes, biscuits and bread and cook meals

He can use Teams, Facetime, Zoom and any other platform you care to mention

He can type, and troubleshoots computer problems as well as any adult

He has learnt to manage his time, his diary, his lessons, his learning – and he has enjoyed the responsibility and autonomy that that brings

He knows what is involved in the running of the house and can play his part

He’s comfortable being bored

He understands the pressures faced by working parents and respects the boundaries that that brings

He has developed gardening and DIY skills and can safely use a whole range of power tools

He has filled an 8-yard skip with building waste, dug out with his own efforts

He has learnt not to give up, even when he’s tired and wants a break, because he knows the importance of completing a task and the feeling you get when you do

He has seen his parents at their best and at their worst. He’s learnt empathy, he’s learnt to manage his emotions, he’s learnt that sometimes it’s okay not to be okay

He knows that, however bad or good, nothing is permanent, change happens, and he’s okay with that

He is resilient, flexible, adaptable, innovative, empathetic, confident, creative, determined

As an ex-RAF Recruiting Officer, isn’t this the list of things I was looking for in my potential Officer recruits?

So, the million-dollar question: Is he “behind,” as we are so frequently told?

On his academic learning? By the official definition, probably, yes. In life? Absolutely not!

All children’s experience of lockdown will be different. Some will have had it much tougher than others and my son’s experience certainly won’t have been the case for many children. As a friend recently confided,

“My teenager hasn’t come out of their room for the past 3-months?

What can they possibly learn from that?”

This has been echoed by many parents whose teens, in particular, have suffered unimaginable struggles during the past year. But, with the right help, their struggles will become the foundation of their strength – the type of strength that cannot be cultivated in any other way. Reflecting on tough times in the aftermath is vital if we are to help our young people to learn the lessons and rebuild.

Viktor Frankl, psychotherapist and holocaust survivor, famously said,

“When we are no longer able to change a situation,

we are challenged to change ourselves.”

And Epictetus once said,

“It’s not what happens to you,

but how you react to it that matters.”

No amount of regret can change what has happened and no amount of anxiety can change the future. But we do have a choice – we can choose our attitude towards it, moving forwards. Our children can learn valuable lessons from the adversity they have faced and from the way they have had to adapt. There are successes to be found. Strengths to be acknowledged and built on. But it is our job to help them to recognise this, if they are not going to be labelled (by themselves and others) as, “the lost generation” for the rest of their lives.

So….. back to my “Tools for Success” course – you guessed it, it’s not about academics.

It’s about helping young people to recognise that through adversity comes strength.

It’s about giving them choices and empowering them to take control of their future, rather than letting the past hold them back.

It’s about raising their self-awareness around what is working for them and what is not.

It’s about creating a generation of children with higher self-esteem, confidence and awareness and a recognition and appreciation of their full skill set, not just where they sit in terms of their academic ability.

This is how I believe success should be measured.

If you share my vision and would like to know more about the “Tools for Success” course, or any of my other Personal Development services, please don’t hesitate to get in touch at meg@zestpersonaldevelopment.co.uk